i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
