I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
