I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I understand Curling. That high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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