So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
