I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
