yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need to align my fucking chakras
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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