Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize