these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
