so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
