Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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