THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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