i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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