just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
