I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
