I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
