I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
