I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
