I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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