when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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