If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
