worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
