I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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