the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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