Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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