I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
