make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
