I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
