If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize