hell yes lets make some ravioli
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
