I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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