I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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