It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
