I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
