Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
