community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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