Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
