I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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