You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
