Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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