the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
