im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
