Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
