I think I am morally bankrupt
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
