He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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