i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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