Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize