That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
