I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
