i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
