Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
