i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
