what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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