I'm really into asian looking animals
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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