Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
