i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
