Yo dont text me then not text me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
