Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
