he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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