i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's always time for handjobs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
