i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
