just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
