Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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