I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize