I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
